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*gasp* Friend is lonely?
on my way friend… woah wait…yes
I dance to maek you happy
did friend like dance?
I shall battle the sadness!
friend isso pretty, she shouldnt feel sad or lonely
lots of people love friend! shes funny
I give huggles to friend
when friend is happy, we are happy
remember to smile okay? Smile as you read this!
you are not alone friend. I am here. Be happy.
So, soon I am treading out into the real world ( sort of) moving out of my parents house in order to go to a university that’s far away enough where I don’t have to visit home on the weekends.
My problem is that I have to leave a current relationship behind when I do finally go. This is the best relationship I have ever been in and I’m having trouble processing giving up this great relationship, my comfortable living situation, and my cushy job for a whole new lonely life in an unfamiliar city with people I don’t know, going into debt in order to pay for this snap decision I made in the heat of a bad break up.
I’m trying to remember why I made this choice. Why did I want such a big change that will affect my life fort at least the next few years?
I know it’s because I have a thirst for freedom, that I want to do something on my own for once, that I want to leave home and Los Angeles and maybe never come back. The love of a man isn’t enough for me to go back on this thing that I think is good for me. The love of comfort isn’t enough either. I’m young if I want to take risks now is the time to do it so I am.
I’m just not looking forward to saying goodbye to my boyfriend who I can’t seem to say “I love you” to without changing it into ” I love you for your body” for fear of making the separation harder. I’m not looking forward to saying goodbye to my friends who I have also grown to love. I think I’ve been instinctively removing myself from their lives for a while because I knew I wasn’t going to stay long. I’m also not looking forward to leaving the places I know so well.
All I must do is remind myself of the benefits of doing this and the satisfaction I’ll get if I succeed. I know somewhere in my brain I thought this was a good idea. I just hope I’ll he happy with it when it’s made. I won’t know before then
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